I’m not a very social person. I don’t really talk to much anyone these days. Maybe it’s that the past year has taken a hit on me. Maybe I’m afraid people wouldn’t like me. It sucks making a friend, or friends, and really wanting to connect with them, but they just suddenly abandon you. That happened to me so much in 2013. I guess it’s part of getting old. Either way, I don’t get it. I rightfully assume there’s just something about me that pushes them away.
I keep having bad thoughts, too. I’m not depressed. Just.. lost, I guess. I’m seeing the larger reality of things, it’s a little overwhelming. I feel very alone most of the time, but it doesn’t bother me. But, it’s worrying me. Why am I okay with being alone? I feel like I’ve given up, and somehow I find it better this way. As if everything else will get in the way of my goals. Maybe I’m just tired of being used, abused, led on, cheated, just plain fucked over. Who the hell knows.